What I'm Waiting For
by HopelessDove
Summary: It's months since he's been gone and Annabeth still calls his telephone every night before she goes to bed, just so that she can hear his voice. Written for Suicide Prevention Day. Potential trigger warning.


I posted this a little late, but I hope you can forgive me. Here is What I'm Waiting For, my annual oneshot for Suicide Prevention Day. Written as reminder to you and anybody you may know that suicide is not the only option.

Story Playlist:

Cough It Out - The Front Bottoms

Little Motel - Modest Mouse

* * *

It's three months since he's been gone and Annabeth still calls his telephone every night before she goes to bed, just so that she can hear his voice.

 _"Hey, this is Percy! I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now, but I promise I will get back to you as soon as possible."_

* * *

His shaky steps take him to the Empire State Building, where he watches the city moved beneath him. He's not really sure what he came here looking for. A stone sits in his chest, suffocating him and causing the stars of the city to swirl. He sits and waits.

* * *

It's three weeks since the funeral and Annabeth still visits his mom every day. It's almost as hard to look her in the eyes as it is to walk by Percy's room, knowing he will never been in there again.

She still expects to hear his voice in the moment of silence that follows her words.

* * *

She sleeps with his sweatshirt on. It's been months, but it still smells just like him. She supposes it's the closest she'll ever get to having his arms around her again.

* * *

On the particularly bad days, she drives down to Montauk Beach, it's where Percy had said he felt most at peace, where in the dark ages he and his mother would escape to feel safe.

When she closes her eyes, she can almost imagine the sea breeze is his lips, brushing gently across hers.

That is usually when she decides it is time to leave.

* * *

The whispers in the halls go quiet as she walks by. They're still talking about the boy who's long gone by now, but are too afraid to even say his name in front of her.

She wants to feel angry and bitter, but she's only able to feel a hollow pain. He shouldn't have ever gone away, leaving her to feel so empty and alone.

* * *

He'd contemplated this for months, what he'd do and what'd he say. But he's finally fucking doing it and he has no clue what to feel besides empty and alone. He vaguely wonders what his tombstone will read. Maybe it'll say something like _Percy Jackson, world class_ disappointment. He supposes he'll find out soon enough.

* * *

She hates going to sleep as much as she hates being awake.

In her dreams, she can feel his hands in hers and hear him whisper in her ear. She can see his sea green eyes while they were still full of light and see his crooked grin as if he was still right there with her.

It's easier to deal with the dreams than it is to hear his laugh in the wind or to see a glimpse of him in the corner of her eye. Dreams make her forget he ever left, but the illusions make her remember and hurt more than ever.

* * *

He can feel his heartbeat slow and he chokes on air as a tear slides down his cheek. He'd always thought he'd die young, but he isn't so sure that he wants to do this anymore. He feels so cold and alone and goddammit he just wants to go home.

* * *

She wakes up in a cold sweat, the words _he's dead_ echoing in her head. She gasps for air and throws up in the trashcan next to her bed.

She does not sleep for the rest of the night, her grey eyes blankly fixated on the ceiling as she shakes with suppressed sobs and fear, only wishing that he was here.

* * *

He wants to tell call his mom and say thank you and that he loves her and that he's sorry, and he wants to call Annabeth to let her know she means the world to him. He fumbles with his phone, trying to dial the numbers but they're blurry and swirling and his phone clatters to the floor, his body following shortly after.

* * *

She finds solace at the bottom of empty bottles of vodka.

He had never liked to drink, he said the bitter taste of alcohol reminded him far too much of lost childhood dreams and of utter fear.

 _The toxicology report said a high blood-alcohol content and an overdose of painkillers; a deadly combination._

She tells herself that she is only trying to understand how bitter and lonely he had felt in the very end. She knows she is just waiting for this horrible nightmare to end.

* * *

He isn't sure what he'd been waiting for, but as the darkness comes up to swallow him whole and his heart comes to a stop, he belatedly realizes that _this wasn't it_.

* * *

It's six months since he's been gone and Annabeth tries to call Percy's phone before bed, just so that she can hear the sound of his voice once again.

 _"I'm sorry, but the number you are trying to reach has been disconnected."_

* * *

I hope you guys liked and enjoyed my story. I'm not sure where I was going with this and I'm probably going to go back and rewrite it, but I hope it gets the message across.

I just want to remind you all that your life is valued and your are loved. Though you may feel like suicide is the only option, you have to remember that it eliminates the possibility of life getting better. It ends a beautiful, wonderful life and future you could have lived, and it leaves those left behind to always suffer in the silence your absence has left behind.

Please always remember that I am always available to talk, and that _if you are in a crisis situation you can always call **1800 273 8255** or **text "START" to 741-741**. _

I love you, and until next time.


End file.
